House or Home?

Well for the first time in 7 years I feel like I belong somewhere. We've been in a lot of houses....I swear we're trying to set a world record for moving or something. We've been in 7 different houses, in 6 years. Some of them we've only stayed in for as little as 3 months, others for up to a year and a half. We've never spend more than 2 Christmas's in the same house. I don't even think it phases the kids when we tell them we're moving again. It's heartbreaking. I knew that it came with military life that's why I never really minded all the moves, and all the friends that you make and have to say goodbye to. Each time the goodbyes did get harder, and the friendships from a few moves prior started to fade away slowly. You feel like you're almost just going through the motions of living life. It wasn't even a house anymore.....they were all just a place to sleep until the next move came. I think that's why I always wanted to be out of the house doing something. The houses weren't permanent, and I never wanted them to be anyways because we never had that house where we felt like we were HOME every time we would walk in the front door. We finally have that. When I get home I don't want to leave. I love just sitting in the living room with music playing while the kids run around and play. I love my kitchen, and my bedroom, and bathroom. We have a huge backyard that the kids have room to grow in. The kids are happy.....and for once I feel like this could be more than a house, it could be a home. I am a small town country girl, and for the past 7 years I've been from one big city to another. The towns were crowded and traffic was horrible. It would take you an hour to drive somewhere that was only about 10 minutes away. The crime was horrible, and I never felt safe at night even with my doors locked and all the lights on. I am definitally not meant to live in the big city. The house we're in now is more country, but not completely deserted to where you don't have any neighbors. We have neighbors, and they are the kind that come over to introduce themselves with a plate of cookies. I never realized how much I missed this type of thing, such a small gesture, but it makes you realize that you can feel at home in a town like this. Through all the moves everyone would ask me where home is. I would always say, "I'll always consider Michigan home." I think it was because it was the only state I was in for more than a couple years, and it was where my family was. Now....when people ask me where home is I don't have to think twice about it at all. We've only been in this house for a week, but I've never felt more at home in any of the houses, or states that we've been in. Yes my real family is back in Michigan, but our home is in Arizona. When it's more than a house, and it's a home you feel it. You know it in your head and your heart every time you walk through the front door. I don't know if this will be our home forever. But it's just nice to know that through all the moves, and all the states, we've found one place that feels less like just a place to sleep between moves, and more of a place to build a life and just call HOME!

It's crazy. When I was pregnant with my boys, and I found out they were boys, all I thought about was sports, and karate, and boy toys like ninja turtles, and power rangers and stuff. But yesterday I found out that our fourth baby is going to be a girl. My mind is spinning. I am thinking about things like frilly dresses and tea parties, all the way to bra shopping, and wedding planning, and proms, and a million other things. Walking to the "pink" side of the store broke me down in tears....and that never happened buying things on the "blue" side. I love my boys, don't get me wrong, but growing up I always knew I wanted to have a daughter, and just knowing that it's about to happen is overflowing my heart, and filling my mind with all the new things I'll get to do. I can't wait to braid her hair, and teach her to put on makeup, and help her get through her first broken heart from the "love of her life". I know it's crazy, but it's like a whole new world. Boys are amazing, they really are, they are hyper, and sporty, and non stop all day, but they are so much fun. I love my boys and yes you'll see me running around the house with a power ranger mask on shooting a fake gun and even making the noises for it. But even my boys are excited to have a little girl in the house. It really does complete my family, and I don't know if I could say that if this had been another boy....because I don't think my family would be complete until I had a daughter of my own. I think like how all guys want to have a son, all girls want to have a daughter. And now I'll finally have mine and I'll have my complete family.

I was thinking this week. I had to get an IV because I was dehydrated from my morning sickness, and I told the nurse that I thought that getting an IV was worse that the actual labor. Don't get me wrong, labor isn't fun, I've been through it 3 times believe me....you don't get pregnant and the first thing that pops in your head is "Oh great, I can't wait for labor to start it was so much fun last time." It's labor...they wouldn't call it that if it wasn't. But man all the different needles you have to get while you are pregnant seem just as bad to me. I hate shots, and needles. Your body is made to give birth, but man when they stick a needle through your skin it freaks me out. I'm sure it doesn't hurt even a tiny little bit close to the actual giving birth, but at the moment you think it does. Maybe each painful moment in life you think it's the worst, and the hardest moment at that point. Like with each epidural I say it hurts worse than the last epidural even though I'm sure it's about the same. Maybe that's like every hard moment in life.....at each low you think it's the lowest and the hardest times, but it always gets better, and the next time you think it's worse than the last. I'm sure when I'm in labor I won't be thinking that the IV was worse, I'll be begging the nurse for the IV instead, but I guess since I knew the only thing coming that day was the IV I was dreading it. But I still know it'll all be worth it in the end when I get to hold the baby for the first time.....it always is.

Sometimes someone can make your day and not even realize that they just did. I was having a really rough day the other day, but I always do try to look nice when I leave the house. It just wasn't a great day though, the kids were getting to me, and I didn't have time to shower before taking my son to school, and I just felt yucky. Then after I dropped my son off and I was headed to the car a little old lady came up to me and told me I looked beautiful today. It just completely made my day. It was like all the problems of my morning just went away with that. She didn't know me, and I may not see her again, but she made such an impact on my day and she will never even know how much it meant to me. Sometimes I feel like no one is here with me and no one notices how hard I try to do everything, but then when my day has really had it this comes out of the blue and brings me up again. Almost like I have an angel watching over me and when I really need someone they are there. I know it was just a small little comment, but it really made me change my outlook on the day. I love how little old ladies are so sweet and they just want to let you know what they think. I get a lot of compliments in the store from them on how great my kids are, and in restaurants as well. And they are the ones that when your kids are screaming and you're ready to rip out your hair, they look at you and smile because they were where you are once and they know just how you feel. I can't help but look up to them and respect them. I really hope then when I get older I'm one of these sweet old ladies and I can make someone's day like this lady did to me. Because when you're a mom of 3 1/2 kids you can really use someone to tell you you're pretty once in a while, or even simply let you know that you're doing a good job.

Can you believe that Halloween is coming up again right around the corner? It seems like we just got done with the holidays from last year and they are creeping up on us again. You go in the store, and it's like Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas all rolled into one big holiday. My boys of coarse are loving it. And I love the holiday season. I think as soon as Halloween gets past us then the mood of everyone is like a million times better. It's like the upcoming holidays just makes people more polite, and friendly, and just plain happy. That's what I love about it. The holidays are different as a parent then they are when you're a kid yourself. It's funny how it changes, and I've been thinking a lot about it lately. When you're a kid Halloween is about candy, Thanksgiving is about eating, and maybe watching the parade or football game, and Christmas is about presents, and santa, and more presents! When you're a grown up and you have your own family I think the holidays are about something completely different. You go trick or treating with your kids, so you can watch them have a blast, and when they have a blast, it makes your day. Then on Thanksgiving it's about family and if you're a perfectionist like me, it's about making the perfect dinner and desserts, even if your family is going to tear into them and devour it all within 10 minutes. You still put forth the effort. Christmas, you go from believing in Santa, to not believing in Santa, to being Santa. My kids haven't hit the age yet where they don't believe in him, and I hope they don't for a long time, because I love the innocence in them, and how excited they get baking and decorating cookies for Santa, and writing their letters and getting their picture taken with him. The whole holiday season it's like they're excited and happy and I love it. I love watching them walk down the stairs in the morning to realize that Santa came. I know we go overboard every year, and some people might think that they are "spoiled" but I love watching their faces light up as they open each present, and realize Santa got them exactly what they wanted. I love driving around looking at Christmas lights and drinking hot chocolate with the kids. And yes I'm one of those crazy people who start playing Christmas CD's as soon as Halloween is over. But my kids love it, and so I love doing it. The holidays I think are just as amazing as an adult reliving it through your kids eyes. It's the best thing in the world knowing how excited they are going to get and being there to see it. They've changed their minds on Halloween costumes at least 10 times each, most people would get stressed about it, but I think it's hillarious. They like so many things they just can't decide. It's like a life or death decision here for them and they need to make the right one. Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a kid to see the magic in the holidays again, but as a mom, I still do see it. You just have to look in their eyes and you'll know it's there.

This last week while my oldest son was at school me and my hubby went out front with our two kids and decided to wash the van. I love our van, when we bought it in 2005 it was brand new, and I love it....yes I feel like a soccer mom driving it, but it's a really nice van and the kids have plenty of space. Well we went all out cleaning it. We took all the seats out, and the carpets, and I scrubbed everything. It looked like a brand new van again. Then this past weekend we went on a 7 hour road trip to California with the kids and 7 hours back.......well let's just say the van looks worse than it did before we cleaned it. There are squished up cheerio's all over the floor, and odds and ends other snacks floating around. I can't help but almost start laughing when I look at it. I usually get really stressed out about messes, but I'm starting to learn one key thing that I wish someone would have told me when I first got pregnant with my oldest son......."THINGS ARE NEVER GOING TO BE PERFECT ONCE YOU HAVE KIDS." They just won't. There will be messes, and you're going to trip on toys, and have fingerprints on the walls and windows, and probably all over the tv. There is going to be dirty clothes laying around and a sink full of dishes. And you better believe as soon as I put the new table cloth on the table something is going to get spilled on it. But when you try to make the house look perfect, and neat and tidy, you'll miss out on the one important thing......your kids. It can be fun sometimes to just let those dishes sit in the sink for a while longer and sit down and do some finger painting with the kids. Because let's be honest......do your kids really care if the house is clean or messy? Do they care if the new table cloth matches the cloth napkins, and if the coffee table is cleared of it's clutter? And come on now....even if your house is perfect by 1 oclock is it really going to look the same way in about 2 hours. To me it seems like I'll clean the living room and head to the kitchen only to come back to the living room and hav it look like a tornado went through it. Or in my case, 3 tornado's! No my house isn't a mess.....but I'm starting to learn ways around the cleaning that takes all day. I keep a laundry basket in the living room, and at the end of the day, that's where all the kids toys go. When the basket gets too full I haul it upstairs and put them back in the toy room where they belong. I "cheat clean" whenever I have company coming over. It's a quick vaccume, and you spray febreeze and lysol everywhere. And you toss everything that doesn't go where it is in a laundry basket and stick it in the closet and take care of it when you have time. The kids are only kids for a little while. You'll have plenty of time to color cordinate the house when they've grown up. Hang out with them while they still want to be around you....because pretty soon you won't be "cool" enough to hang out with and then what are you going to do?

The years go by....'

I've been thinking a lot since my oldest son started Kindergarten. It's hard to believe the days of him being home all day are gone now. I knew he was starting school, but I didn't really realize that it was like a whole new stage in life, and that the old one would never come back. It can never go back. I mean yeah we have the summer vacations where he'll be home, but the older he gets the less and less time he's going to want to spend with me anyways. When we first started taking him to school we got to walk him all the way to his classroom and say goodbye to him there. After the first week of school though they have us drop him off at the gate and he has to walk back by himself. It was heartbreaking watching him walk by himself. But what's more heartbreaking is the first week he was doing it he would turn around and wave goodbye to us one more time when he got to his class, and those days are past now. He runs to his class and doesn't look back most of the time anymore. It's hard watching them grow. I remember when it was just me and him, before his brothers were born, and he would run around the house playing with me, and we would cuddle on the couch and watch Blues Clues or the Wiggles. Yes he still sits and watches tv with me or reads books with me, but it's not the same. 6 hours out of the day he's not at home, he's not here with me, and I don't know what he's doing. I know he's in good hands, and he loves school, but I just miss the days when he was home all day with me. So if you still have a little one at home, enjoy the time with them, because they go by fast, and before you know it they'll be off to school, and then the time flies by so fast you won't even believe it. Kids are amazing, and the years don't last nearly long enough. My middle one is about to turn 4 years old in less than a month. Next year he should be headed to Kindergarten too. Then I'll have two of them in school all day. The house will sure be a lot quieter, and you may think that that's a good thing, but I'll miss them.

Today there was something scary that happened in our house. It was almost set on fire. If circumstances had been different our whole house could have been lost along with everything in it. My kids were throwing their dirty clothes downstairs like they always do so it can go in the laundry room, and one item of clothing got stuck on the light at the top of the stairs. Well it started burning without us realizing it and it eventually set off all the smoke detectors and caught on fire. My husband is at work, and me and all 3 of my kids are downstairs. So I'm running through the house trying to figure out what's on fire. I found it thank goodness and turned the light off and drowned the clothes in water after I got it off the light. The whole house filled with smoke so I opened up all the windows and took the kids out to the car for a while. I was getting ready to take my oldest boy to school. What if we had left 5 minutes earlier like we usually do? What would have happened? My husband was working nights for the first time....we were only waiting for him to get home so he could come with us to drop our Kindergartener off at school. What if he hadn't worked nights that night? There are so many what if's. We don't know what could have happend. We're just thankful that I was able to stop it and get the kids out away from the smoke. So many worse things could have happened. No one was hurt, and we're only down one light bulb and a pair of kids underwear. So we are very lucky and we realize that. It's just scary to realize that because of certain circumstances things are ok, and someone must have been watching over you. Needless to say we are getting the kids a hamper for their room and clothes will no longer be tossed down the stairs. But it makes you really think and worry that something bad could happen. You need to take precautions to try and prevent them, and you need to cherish every moment that you do have with your family. Next time we may not be as lucky.

I think when you are between two and three month's pregnant you're more self conscious than you are as a teenage girl. You're in between the stage where you really look pregnant, yet you really don't look skinny. So when you're walking around you see people looking at you and you can tell they are wondering if you're pregnant or if you've just gained some weight. It makes you want to go out and buy a shirt that says "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant....and fat!" Kind of like they have the little onsies for babies that say "I am not a boy!" and "I am not a girl!" for babies since even if you dress your little boy all in blue, with a blue blanket people will still say "oh what a pretty girl." It's kind of irritating. It's hard to feel beautiful when you're pregnant when you throw up all day, feel like you're huge, and can't fit into any of your clothes at all. But having a little tiny baby inside you is beautiful, and this last week when I got my first ultrasound and I got a sneak peak at the little baby I never felt more beautiful. To have created a little life like that is just amazing. And when you have a little baby inside you, you fall in love with him/her before you've even met them. Even though I have 3 other kids, this one is a whole new baby and it's like your love grows with each child. Even though you think it couldn't possibly grow any more. So you know what I'll take all the odd looks from people as they pass me wondering if I'm pregnant or just haven't lost all the baby weight from the last baby. Because I know that there's a little miracle in my belly, and I'm probably never going to see any of those people again anyways, but the baby is mine forever.

Well I've decided to try something new, and a little scary, but super exciting. I'm going to home school our preschooler. The preschools here are just way too expensive to be able to send him to one. It's like the price of a car payment, and I just can't see paying that when I can easily teach him at home the same things he'll learn 2 days a week at a preschool for 2 hours that's run more like a daycare. Why would I pay for daycare for my kids while I'm home anyways. So starting Monday this living room will be a classroom during the baby's nap. I'm really excited about it. I feel like it will bring me and my preschooler closer together and he'll have a lot of fun.

Priceless....

Watching your baby take his first steps.... Your kids giving you a hug or kiss for no reason..... Watching their faces light up on Christmas morning when they noticed Santa came..... Watching your kids play when they don't know your watching... Watching a movie with your family and laughing the whole time.... Eating a hot meal with your husband when all the kids are in bed..... Sleeping through the night....... A hot shower...........(uninterrupted!) Getting a call from a friend you haven't talked to in a while...... Hearing your husband say I love you..... Your baby saying mamma and reaching for you...... These are some of my favorite things.....and they are all priceless.....and they are all about my family. The best things in life are right in this house with me and they make every day a great day for me. Every day I get to be my kids mom, and my husband's wife is a great day. I thank god for my kids. They have shown me that simple things are the best things in life.....you don't have to be rich, or famous, when your kids are your biggest fans. You're their hero if you want to be and they'll always look up to you. Friends and family are my world and all the little things aren't important. So just let the bad things go and enjoy your kids while you can.

Being away from home for the last 6 years now has been really hard on me. I am a really family oriented person and I always have been. I love my family, all of them, and I love spending time with all of them. With the military and all of our moves you learn that "your friends are your family, and your family is your friends." In some cases that was true. You see your friends way more, you celebrate with them, you cry with them, you watch their kids grow....at least until one of you moves away. You gain some lifelong friendships and another name to add to your Christmas card list every year. But to me friends will never replace my family, but they will be added to my family. It's hard when you go to see your family and your kids don't recognize any of them, they don't know their names, or really who they are at all. But friends are like "aunts" and "uncles" and "cousins". We've been away from home for so long now and deep down it kills me. I hate that I only get to see my mom like twice a year. I hate that every time we go home our kids have doubled in size since the last time everyone saw them. I do have the most amazing friends here and I know I would miss them terribly if we left, or if any of them left. With the military though you learn that goodbyes just mean new hello's. I think that's why I have a hard time getting close to people because I always feel like as soon as we get close one of us has to say goodbye. It would be nice to settle down somewhere for a while and actually send our kids to the same school for more than one year, and let them make friends and keep them. I wish I could just move everyone I loved into the same little town somewhere so I could see all of them as often as I wanted to. But that's not life. Life is all about the people you love so hold on to them when you can, and miss them when they are gone, and pray that you'll have the time to spend with them. Love your friends like family, and treasure your family....even when they drive you crazy. Life wouldn't be life without them.

Holey Shoes......

I was looking at my shoes the other day, and let me tell you they've seen better days. But I know I'm cheap and I hate to spend money on myself. We just bought the kids brand new shoes for school that I swear cost more money than 3 of my shoes total. (They like name brand already at 3 and 5 years old). We have the money, I could go out and buy myself a pair of shoes and it wouldn't be a big deal. So I've been trying to figure out why I haven't done it. I go to look for shoes, but I usually end up seeing something for my kids and I get that instead. Even when I had a bit extra money and I said I would spend it on me, I spent 90% of it on my kids. They always come first....even when I don't try to put them first. I go to look for clothes and I come out with a whole new wardrobe for them when I'm still wearing clothes from high school (only 6 years ago). I just think it's so interesting how I always put the kids first. It's like when you finally get a date with your husband and you go out to dinner, you spend the entire time talking about your kids. It's your only time away from them and yet it's like they are right there with you. Life revolves around your kids. They drive you crazy, eat all the food in the house, spend all your money, and yet you can't get enough of making them happy. So you go without things just so your kids can have more of what they want. Even if you don't have to go without you still do because instead of thinking about yourself at the store, you think about your kids. I don't understand why some people don't put their kids first. I would rather walk around with holey shoes and watch my kids face light up when they get to wear their new shoes and get that toy they wanted, or take them to the baseball game. Besides.....my feet are the same size they were years ago so I can wear my shoes out. My kids outgrow shoes faster than we can buy them new ones. I think that's why I want them to have everything since they are only little once.

Life....

Life gives you many opportunities. It's really up to you how you see them when they come your way. A lot of situations you could look at it two different ways, one as something horrible, and the other as an opportunity to learn something. Say you're sitting there with your grandfather, or grandmother, or great uncle...someone more elderly, and they are talking up a storm. You can look at it one of two ways and they way you'll look at it will determine how your day is going to be. You can look at it like "oh my god, will he ever shut up....this is so boring. Why do I have to sit here?" and then you can halfway listen as the minutes tick by super slow and it can just bring your whole day down. Then I'm sure you'll complain about it for weeks to come about how boring this person is. Or you can actually listen to the person talking. If you actually sit and listen, and ask questions I'm sure that person has so many interesting stories about "the good ol' days" and things that happened in the past. You may even find that the time flies by quicker than you wanted it to and you'll learn a lot about the person. It could even make your day a great one. You only have so much time with people.....as sad as it is you do. And you don't want to be the one at the funeral listening to stories about them thinking to yourself "wow....he was a pretty amazing person. I wish I'd gotten to know him more." Because then it's too late. I think we should all look at life on the positive side of things as much as we can because we might miss something great and we probably won't be able to get it back.

Ol Wives Tales

So all this week I have had several friends tell me old wives tales to tell me whether I'm having a boy or a girl and the verdict is......It's either a boy or a girl. lol. It's so confusing. One I heard was that you don't get morning sickness with girls because they are more peaceful to carry.....well if that's true I'm having a girl! I had morning sickness horribly with all three of the boys.....for more than 50% of the time pregnant....it was rough. I also heard though the exact opposite of that. So who knows...maybe everyone is different with how they carry the babies and the symptoms that they experience. Another one I heard is that if it's a girl she is known to "steal your beauty" while you are pregnant.....but I had that symptom with all the boys too. I mean they are gorgeous boys, so maybe they stole my beauty as well. I just never felt real pretty while I was pregnant though. So all this talk and I'm still just as uncertain about the sex of the baby. I guess I'll just say it's either a boy or a girl. All I do know is that this pregnancy is completely different than all three of my last ones so deep down in my heart I really think it's a girl.....but that could be because I really want it to be a girl.

When I was growing up all I ever knew for sure was that I wanted to be a mom someday. That was my main goal. I played with dolls and barbies all day, naming them, and dressing them in a whole bunch of pretty outfits. I didn't want to have a career, or be famous...I just wanted to be someone's mom. To feel the love that only a child can give, so sweet, and sincere. I'm now the mom of 3 boys, and our 4th baby is on the way and I'm actually a little scared. I love my boys so much, they are amazing, but wow adding a 4th one is all of a sudden starting to scare me. Being a mom is the world's toughest job, and anyone who claims otherwise isn't a mom. You learn to multi-task at every moment of the day. You are a nurse, a maid, a chef, a chaeufer, a photographer....you break up battles, and pick up toys, play games. Your whole life changes when you have a baby and it never stops from the moment they are born. I know I have so much more coming. My oldest is only 5 going on 6.....I'm just in awe thinking about what is yet to come still. When they are babies and crying all day you can't wait to get through that phase and maybe have things a little easier, but once they start walking and talking it never stops. The days seem to fly by with all the sports and toys and fights, and laughs. Life is amazing and crazy all wrapped into one kid....and when there is more than one kid things really get crazy! Being a mom is the best job in the world, even if it's the toughest job. Because as stressed out as the days get it makes it all worth it at the end of the day when you look at your babies sleeping........no matter how old they get!

Something I learned

Something that I learned over the weekend is that there are two different kinds of people in this world. One group of people thinks about others and how they feel, and the other group only thinks about themselves and worries about them and them alone. We were at a baseball game this weekend and we were sitting on the lawn in a pretty open area. There were a few people around us, but not too many. Then all of a sudden a couple and their daughter come up and stand at the fence directly in front of us. They saw us, they looked back and saw that we were sitting there, and they just didn't care. They blocked the way anyways. We have 3 kids with us and we're trying to watch the game and we can't see anything. So eventually we moved since it was raining and when we came back we saw they were still standing there so we sat away from them a little bit in an area where we could see. So then about 10 minutes later they leave and come back, not to the spot they were at, but to a spot directly in front of us again blocking our view once again. We were a little irritated, but the boys seemed to have fun anyways. Then they were doing fireworks after the game to celebrate the 4th of July. We had to move since our seats were blocked by a tree, so we moved and sat down by some other people when a couple of teenage kids came and stood directly in front of us blocking the view of the fireworks completely. My husband got up and asked them to move. We missed the game, we weren't about to let the kids miss the fireworks as well. It's our youngest son's first 4th of July, and first time seeing fireworks. Well they moved, but they did not look happy about it. By this point I was thinking very low of people in general. But after watching people try to leave the parking lot after the fireworks was a whole other matter. Now like I said before some people are polite and they do think about others. You'll see them waving people in and it delays them a bit but they still help and let other's ahead of them. But then you'll see the cars that push and shove their way through the traffic, or go around all the cars waiting in line to get there a whole 5 seconds sooner. We weren't in a hurry, the kids fell asleep two minutes into being in the car. So we just sat with the windows down waiting for the parking lot to clear out. If everyone would have let just one person out and waited in line it probably would have been a lot faster. But there are those people that are just out for themselves and ready to get themselves ahead that they don't think about the people that they pushing past.

Just a thought

Yesterday we were driving around and we saw a funeral recession line led by police escorts on motorcycles. I actually got teary eyed even though I have no idea who's funeral it was, or any of the family members. The line had about 10 cars in it, it wasn't that long, but it still really got to me. I think about all of the people that have been in my life that I have lost, and remembered how I felt on the days of the funerals. I remember watching the news once listening to a hurst driver talking about how rude some people in other cars can be when they are behind the funeral lines. He said he's actually had people honk at him and flip him off because he was driving so slow. I couldn't believe hearing that. How would they feel if they were one of the family members in the car in line and people were honking at them. It's hard when you loose someone close to you and that's really the last thing that you need on a day like that. I want to teach my kids to show respect to those who have lost family or friends, the day is hard enough on them. I think I'll always tear up a little whenever I hear about a death, or see a funeral line, and even when I pass a cemetary. It's someone's loved one, and someone is missing them.

Vacation.....

Do you ever get so stressed out and tired from a vacation that you feel like you need to take a vacation from your vacation? Every time I decide to take a trip home I get so excited about it, and yet by the end I'm so ready to leave I almost wish I wouldn't have come to begin with. I love my family, and my friends back home, but sometimes it seems like more of a hassle to come home than is worth it. Flying with 3 kids isn't easy for one. Then it seems like I do nothing but drive from place to place trying my hardest to make everyone happy, even though I know I can't make everyone happy unless I slit into like 10 people so I can spend time with everyone. I always leave from my vacation feeling tired, and guilty that I didn't get to spend a lot of time with everyone. My kids get so far off of any kind of schedule it takes weeks to put them back on one, and I've usually gained a few pounds since I wasn't eating like I normally do. I always feel like I'm just kind of homeless running from house to house to house and not really staying anywhere for very long. I wonder why vacations are so hard, yet I know as stressfull as this one was and how tired and ready to go home I am......I'll still look forward to the next one.

Coming home...

Life is kind of weird. You look forward to something, knowing that you're making more out of it than you should, and then it still dissappoints you when it doesn't work out the way you want it to. I think I expect too much from people, and I know they will let me down, I should expect it, and I should know better. I still get so upset and hurt when they do the things I know they will do. Why do I do this to myself. I guess it's because I think that people will change, and that people think the same about things as I do, even though they don't. Yet I know I won't stop doing it. I know I will get excited about things, and people, and be let down a million times over again. It's like a bad habbit I can't break, or don't want to....I want the hope. I want to hold out and think that people will surprise me and make an effort, but I know they won't. It's like a never ending cycle.

"Stuff"

Life is kind of crazy. You always think life is about all the "things" you have, and who has more, or whose is better......it never ends. We haven't had anything for a couple months since we moved and our stuff is still being shipped here and I've realized that the more you have, the longer it takes to clean it, and the less time you have for things that are fun. I had a water balloon fight with the kids today. It didnt take more than the house outside and some water balloons. The kids had a blast. Yeah we don't have our couches to sit on yet, but that just means there is more room to play duck duck goose in, and run around playing tag in the house. Now don't get me wrong I miss all of our things as much as the kids probably miss all their toys, but they aren't important. I've realized that we're still happy with just our family and we can still manage to have fun without all of our stuff. I think it makes the kids appreciate their things more when we don't have them, but they also realize that it's just stuff and that family is more important.

Having Faith

Do you ever want something so bad you can taste it. It's like right out of reach and you sit there deciding if it's worth the effort to stretch and take hold of it and not let go. Sometimes I look at my dreams and wonder if they are worth the struggles to achieve them, and whether or not I have enough faith in myself to achieve them. Because some of my dreams are so far out there they seem almost impossible to make happen, yet I don't want to just shove them under the bed and forget about them. I guess it's all about taking that leap and believing in myself enough to get me started. I know once I started I wouldn't quit until I got to the finish line, but it's a big decision to step up to the line. I guess I just have to believe that things will work out, I know what I want, but I also know how hard it's going to be to get it. I just have to decide if it's worth what it will take to reach these dreams. But I guess in life you need to take those risks and just believe in yourself to make your dreams happen.

Kindergarten

I thought last year when my oldest started Preschool that it was a big step. But he was only gone from 9-12 every day. This year we just signed him up for Kindergarten. He's 5 now, and I know he's more than ready. But I don't think I'm ready. It's hard to let them go. He'll be gone from 8-3 every day. That's 7 hours. It's hard for me to think of him being gone that long during the day. I guess I'm not ready to let him go grow up yet, and it's happening too fast. It seems like it was just yesterday that we brought him home from the hospital. And also this year my middle one will be in Preschool. It's only a matter of time before they both graduate and are out on their own. It's sad to think like that. How do you learn to let them go? How do you stop the worrying, when they aren't there for you all day to make sure that they are ok. You can't be there to help them make friends, or to make sure they don't get picked on, or fall and get hurt. I know he'll be fine. He's a great kid and makes friends easily, but it's still heartbreaking to watch him grow up. Enjoy all the time with them you can while they are home, because before you know it you'll be standing there watching them go into school, and they'll turn around and say "I love you Mommy" and walk away. Your heart will break and you'll want to rewind life and make them little again so you can hold on juts a little bit longer.

My mom

My mom is an incredibly strong person. She has had her share of ups and downs, but whenever she is down she drags herself back up and continues on. She is my best friend. She is my hero, I look up to her and want to be just like her. If someday I am blessed with a daughter I really hope that me and her have the same kind of relationship because I couldn't imagine my life without my mom in it. I know I bug her a lot, we talk on the phone for at least 1-2 hours a day most days, but whenever something funny or sad or anything happens, I just want to call her to tell her about it. My mom is so smart. She went back to college and got all A's doing it and is now about to graduate from the Corrections Academy. When I thought of my mom taking on a 2oo lb inmate I about freaked out, but I know she's one tough cookie and she could handle herself, and I'm sure they would never mess with her again. My mom is the one person besides my husband that I tell everything to, and I love that I feel like I can talk to her about anything. I love you Mom. I hope you have a great Mother's Day. I really wish I could be there for your Corrections Academy Graduation because out of everyone I think I am the most proud of you. I knew from the beginning that you could do it even when you thought you wouldn't make it. You are so great and so strong you can do anything you want to. If you told me you were going to fly to the moon tomorrow I believe you could do it. I will see you in July when I come home with your grandkids. I love you.

What I've Learned from Being a Mom.....

I've learned that it's easy to clean up puke when you're more worried about the sick little baby and you can go 3 days without sleep and still be wide awake and smiling when they start to feel better. I've also learned that they can drive you crazy to the point where you want to put your head through a wall, but the minute they tell you they love you your heart melts and you wish you could keep them at that age forever.

I've learned that raising 3 boys is like spending every day at the zoo with a bunch of wild animals!!!!

I've learned that they don't care if I make a gourmet dinner every night, hot dogs and mac and cheese are just as good, sometimesC even better.

I've learned that drinks will get spilled, and clothes will get stained, dinner will get burnt while I'm doing a hundred things at once, and water from the bath tub will end up not only on me, but all over the entire floor, and that's a good day!

I've learned that you can't take enough pictures because they just grow up way too fast.

I've learned that no matter how cute you try to get, shower, makeup, clean clothes, whatever; something will always end up spilled on your outfit before anyone sees you in it.

I've learned that cardboard boxes, toilet paper rolls, and old magazines are way more fun that the really expensive toys you buy for them.

I've learned that little boys have a soft spot in their hearts for their moms!

I've learned that being a mom is the hardest job in the world, but it is the best job anyone could ever ask for.

I've learned that holidays really do have a magic to them that you thought they did when you were a kid. When you're a kid it's the magic about an Easter bunny, or Santa coming, or just getting to eat lots of food. But when you're a mom, the magic is in the eyes of your kid when they realize Santa came, or the Easter bunny, or when they see all the food on Thanksgiving. The magic is in them.

I've learned that you will never know how much love you have to give until you have kids. You'll worry about not having enough for more than one kid, but the love just comes, and grows with each one.

Real or Fake?

How important is it to people to be liked? I thought about this a lot the other day. I like to be liked, it actually means a lot to me. But do people want to be liked so bad that they change how they talk and act to make people like them, or are they true to themselves, and let the real them show? I mean do you really want to be friends with people who don't know the real you and only know the fake you? Is it really worth it to forget about who you are and just act how you think they want you to act. I've made some great friends here and I feel like I was the "real" me and they all accepted me for who I really am. But I know that in the past I've done the "fake" me and acted how they wanted me to in a group. I've realized I'm a much happier person now that I have friends and I can act like me and be accepted in the group. But it makes me think about whether my friends feel like they can act like themselves in front of me. It is important to me for people to like me. I do things to impress people, and usually go above and beyond to be nice and make things easier on people and less stressful. But there's a point when being liked isn't as important as being able to be the real you. Where do you draw the line?

What if...

Life brings on a lot of changes. Sometimes you can't help but wonder all the "what ifs." Like how would things be if you had changed just one thing in your life. Would anything be the way it is now? Would it affect other people's lives as well as your own. It's a waste of time to think about all the "what ifs" and not live in the present. You'll be missing out on some pretty great things if all you dwell on is the past. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure out if things could be better, if you could have helped someone, or if you could have stopped someone from doing something stupid. Everyone lives their own lives. Yes the things we do affect people, but they ultimately decide their own destiny as well as we do our own. So live in the present. Live in today, don't forget about yesterday, but forget about thinking how different things could be "if" only.

All Dressed Up

When you're married and you have kids and you go through weeks of cleaning, cooking, and tending to everyone's needs but your own, you tend to overlook one peron. You. You let your appearance slip and stop worrying about "dressing to impress." After all, your kids don't care if you are dressed in a beautiful evening gown or if you wear your pj's all day. But it always makes you feel beautiful on the days when you try. Any little excuse to dress up just makes you feel great. Tonight I'm going out with the girls. I think I spent more time getting dolled up today than I have in a month or two. It's almost as exciting as a date with my hubby (which doesn't happen very often when you have 3 kids ages 5 and under). I like feeling like I look beautiful though, maybe I'll try and put forth an effort more often. But with three kids even getting a shower every day is lucky. But feeling clean and getting to put on makeup and do your hair....that won't be able to be an every day thing. Maybe when they grow up some.

Reasons

I'm really starting to think that things happen for a reason. When you want something really bad and you don't get it, you get all dissappointed, but then something better is right around the corner. It's crazy how things work out for the better when you're thinking that it's going to get worse. We recently wanted to get a house to rent, and we really liked it and were really excited, but turns out we didn't get it. They didn't want to rent out their house after all. So we were pretty upset and stressed out about finding a house. Well we took a chance and looked last night and found one in the same neighborhood and it was a better house, and better fit for us, and now it's ours! It's crazy to think that we might have missed out on this great house if we had got the last one. A door closes and a better window opens. Life is weird, but if you just take things as they come you might experience things you never thought you would. Take a chance and things will work out.

Before Kids....

Before Kids: *You could sleep in past 6 am and lay in bed watching Family Feud and Price is Right. *You got to eat meals that were actually hot! *You got to watch shows that weren't on Nickelodian or the Disney Channel. *You remembered what a grown up conversation felt like. *You got to take showers.....every day.......and even wash your hair while you're in the shower, and maybe shave a whole leg. *When you went shopping you gave the dirty looks to the people with screaming kids. *You could eat cake for ice cream and not set a bad example. *You didn't have to deal with boogers, poop, and temper tantrums. *You got kisses that weren't sticky or slimy or covered in kool aid! *You could go to a movie without paying the same price as the movie and snacks for a babysitter. *You didn't have to repeat yourself 5 times for people to hear you. *You didn't know that you could love someone so much before you even met them, and then love them twice as much with each passing day.

23

Time goes by really fast. I don't think I ever realized that growing up. When you're a kid you can't wait to get older. First you're so excited to turn 16 so you can get your driver's licence. That's like the most important thing for you in your life. Then you get there and you can't wait to turn 18 and graduate. It seems to take forever to finally happen. The school days go by so slow, and the weekends go by too fast. Then after graduation the thing you look forward to the most is turning 21 so you can "legally" do all the things you've probably been doing since you were 14. For me things were a little different. Yeah I couldn't wait to turn 16 and drive, and then turn 18 and graduate. But instead of things going slow after that they have flown by at warp speed. I got married 2 months after I graduated, it was 2 weeks before I was 18. And I had 2 kids before I turned 21, so for my 21st birthday it wasn't all about drinking and going out and partying like most 21 year olds. Now I'm 23 and I have 3 kids. Things have been different then most 23 year olds I know. But I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. I love my kids, and though my life is full of poopy diapers, spit up, breaking up fights, and feeding and bathing 3 wiggly kids, I'm happy and my life is full. My oldest son turned 5 today. It really seems like yesterday I was in the hospital scared out of my mind wondering what life with a baby was going to be like. I was more scared of what would happen after I had the baby then I was about going through the actual labor. Everyone tells you enjoy those moments because the years go by so fast and before you know it they'll be moving out of the house. I never believed them. I guess it was all the sleepless nights and poopy diapers, and headaches that just threw me off into believing the years were going by slow. But now I look back and I think, where did the years go. My youngest is going to tun 1 in 3 months. It's unreal how fast this year has gone. So I'm telling you right now, if you're a mom to be or a new mommy, or even if your kids are grown now, cherish all the moments, good and bad, because before you know it they'll be out of the house. Kids are precious, and all you have to do to realize that is spend 5 minutes with one. They'll make you want to smile, laugh, cry, and rip your hair out all in the same day. But they make life worth living. I couldn't imagine life without my kids. Though I'm only 23 I wouldn't want to be a normal 23 year old. I love being a mom, and wife and doing all the things that I always dreded as a kid. The days seem slow, but the years go fast. Love your kids before life passes by and you turn around and they are waving goodbye on their way to college.

Conversations

Have you ever had a conversation with someone on the phone that lasted for hours, and when you get off the phone and you think about it, you can't for the life of you remember what you talked about for that long. Like you can't figure out how you talked for that many hours, and actually had something to say the whole time. Some of my best friends right now, I have never even met in person. Being a military wife we've moved a lot and I've come to rely on making friends online through sites like Cafemom or MSN boards, and I have 4 friends right now, that I talk to on an almost daily basis, and I've never met any of them. But they are all so like me I think we would be the best of friends if we all did live in the same states. I used to be kind of scared about meeting people online, I've heard the horror stories as I'm sure you all have, but as long as you're not talking to hundreds of people and meeting them in deserted places I'm sure things are fine. But my point was that when you have really good friends you can talk for hours about absolutely nothing and have a blast doing it. Sometimes the best conversations are about nothing at all.

Things I Learned From Having Boys....

1. The names, and colors of all the Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, and even Transformers. 2. That baseball, hockey, soccer, basketball, and golf can all be played with a beach ball. 3. Boys outgrow shoes faster than you can drive to the store to get new ones. 4. Stock up on bandaids because there will be bumps, cuts, and blood. 5. When they are playing sports, not only do they need a helmet, but you might want to put one on too. 6. You will not get through a meal without someone burping or farting. 7. It's impossible for them to be quiet (unless they are sleeping). 8. Hot Wheels and GI Joes are impossible to keep picked up off the floor and they hurt really bad when you step on them. 9. Clothes will get dirty and stained, they can't help it. Stock up on Shout Spray. 10. Boys love their mommies with their whole hearts!

Marriage

Dating: Flowers just because, phone calls till 3 am, kisses and hugs all the time for no reason at all, love notes, fancy dinners out, both of you acting to impress the other, dancing, movies, flirting, gazing into each other's eyes, walking while holding hands. Engaged:Still lovey dovey, flowers occasionally, phone calls but not as late anymore, hugs and kisses, notes asking about wedding plans, nice dinners out (but not as nice since you're planning a wedding now), So many wedding plans you probably won't see as much of each other, fighting over him forgetting to order his tux or book the DJ, You get over fights though because you're so in love and you let the world know by holding hands and sneaking a kiss here and there. 1st year married:Burnt dinners (that you'll eat to be nice), lovey dovey (but mostly at home), you learn about each others little habits you didn't know about before (but you think they are cute), you compromise on what you want to make both of you happy, you don't want to hang out with your friends because you think each other are enough, less movies and dinners out to save money for that dream house, little nit pick fights. 3rd year:The habits aren't so cute anymore, argue over who is cooking dinner that night or which restraunt you want to eat at, he starts burping like it's no big deal, She no longer cares if she's cranky at "that time of the month" and she'll let him know it, you go to lunch or shopping with your friends because you need your space before you kill him for leaving his dirty clothes on the floor, you can't remember the last time he got you flowers or took you to dinner, kisses and hugs become less often and further between. 5 or more years:guys fart and burp like it's no big deal (even during meals) or talk about "bathroom issues" like you really want to hear about them, you know all his little habits drive you crazy, but you realize you love him more today than you did when you first got married and realize that life is pretty good. You're comfortable with each other to talk about anything (even gross stuff), and you know you've had your ups and downs, but at the end of the day you still love each other. (And this isn't even if you toss kids into the mix, that's a whole nother story).

My Rock

You really are my rock. You are always there for me and yet you don't realize that you're doing anything half the time. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be. Our life sure has had it's fair share of ups and downs. But we've managed to get through them and come out strong. Now everything is great between us and we have such a great family. You do so much for me and the kids, and I know sometimes it's hard on you. But I want you to know that me and the kids really appreciate everything that you do. You work hard to give us a great life and to give us anything and everything that we could ever want or need. It amazes me all the things that you do. So I just wanted to say thank you for everything. Thank you for being the most wonderful husband, father, and friend. We love you.

Life....

The time really does go by so fast. It seems as if every day the kids are more grown up then they were the day before. My oldest turns 5 on Saturday. That's so crazy for me to think about. He's in the "I don't need my parents or anyone to help me" phase and it makes me so sad to see him like that. It breaks my heart that he's not a little baby anymore. Then my 3 1/2 year old is in the "I'm the only one that's right" phase, so he's finally starting to get out of his terrible two's but he's learning fast from his brother to be independent, and they don't really need me as much during the day. They still come to me for meals or if they can't fix a toy, but it's not "mommy come and play" anymore. I still have my baby. He'll be 9 months old on Saturday. But even he is getting more independent. Crawling, and sitting on his own, and I know it's only a matter of time before he starts running around with his brothers shouting "bye mom" as they all run out the door. They are all so great in their own ways, all so different, yet all best friends. I never thought that being a mom of all boys would be so rewarding. They are so fun to watch and they always have the craziest things to say to me. So even though they are growing up so fast I feel like I can't blink an eye without them getting bigger, I enjoy every minute watching them grow into the little men they are.

Traveling with kids....

I would have to say that I have a huge amount of experience with traveling with kids for long car rides, and airplane rides. From ages of infants to my now 5 year old son. So here are a few tips if you're going to travel with kids that I've picked up through the years. 1. Always bring ziplock bags, and plastic grocery bags (they could come in handy with a messy spill, or cleaning out the car when you stop to get gas, or even to put snacks in for the kids to eat to make it less likely to spill). 2. Two words......hand sanitizer. You don't know if all the bathrooms you stop at are going to be "clean" let alone have soap or paper towels. 3. Laurie Berkner, Barney, and Wiggles CD's. Yes it will drive you crazy, but it will entertain them as well. And if you sing along then the time will go by faster for you too. (warning, use in car not airplane or you'll get some annoyed looks from other passengers). 4. Stash of toys that don't make noise, but they love to play with. Especially for on a plane. Like coloring books, crayons, wooden puzzles, hotwheels, and other small toys. 5. Snacks! Keep their mouths full and there is less fighting and asking "are we there yet?" 6. Bring a box of Capri Sun or other juices. It's less stops to get drinks and you'll save money in the long run from it. (Just don't let them drink too many too fast or you'll be stopping to pee.) 7. For infants bring new toys or ones they haven't seen in a while. They also really like playing with magazines or junk mail. (Just make sure it's nothing you'll want to read later because they like to rip it). 8. Always bring something from home for them, a stuffed animal or lovey. They get scared on the plane sometimes, especially at take off and landing with all the bumps. 9. For infants bring a bottle or binki so their ears won't pop when you're flying. Feed them as you're about to take off and land. 10. A laptop or DVD player will entertain the kids for a few hours. Bring newer movies, or their favorites. 11. Bring baby wipes. Even if you don't have little ones, they help clean up sticky hands, and messy faces, and clean up if things are spilled. They are great for all kinds of messes. 12. When packing clothes for them, always plan for a couple of messes so bring extra outfits. 13. Plan for the stress. It will be a little stressful, traveling with kids is. So try not to expect a perfectly peaceful trip every time. There will be tears, and plenty of "are we there yet's" So just try and enjoy the trip, they can be lots of fun if you don't worry so much about the little things. The kids love playing games with you, searching for certain color cars, looking at the cows on the side of the road, and yes the stop at McDonalds that always happens so they can get a happy meal. Lighten up and have some fun and your kids will too.

Heartbreaking

The most heartbreaking thing in the world is when your kid is sick and hurting and there isn't much you can do to help them. Yes it's gross cleaning up puke all day, but if you're a mom you do it, and honestly it doesn't bother you that much because you're more worried about your kid than the puke all over you. You check fevers like a freak every couple minutes hoping that it went down, and you cuddle, sing, and tend to their every need while they are sick. Loving them is about the only thing you can do and it not only makes them feel better, but after you shower and get some sleep you'll feel better knowing that you helped them the only way you could. Being a mom is a tough job, especially when things aren't going so well and everyone in the house isn't healthy. I know that this will go through all the kids (one at a time of coarse because then it could even make a second trip and get everyone sicker longer), but for now I play it one day at a time. And even though my little man is sick and in pain I still thank God for him and the fact that it's just a little cold that will pass and my kids are actually really healthy boys. Some people aren't that lucky and I know they would love to have the chance to cuddle with their baby, sing to them, hug them, and yes even clean up the puke.

Family

Family is really important to me, and I really want my kids to see and learn that while they grow up. No matter how far away we might move, or how long we stay gone for we will always have our family, and they always welcome you home with open arms. I think that's why I still call Michigan "home" and it's because that's where the rest of my family is. I have my little family here, and couldn't love them more, but the rest of the extended family, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, all of them, are all back in Michigan except for a few strays here and there around the US. But I want to show my kids that family is really important and you should get to know all your relatives because you never know when the day may come that they might not be able to get to know them anymore. That makes me really sad to know that there are some relatives they will never get to meet. A lot of my family has only met my kids one or two times. My youngest is almost a year and a lot of them have never even seen him outside of a picture. That's why you should always make an effort to get to know all of your family, you never know when it will be too late and you realize how great of a person they were. I don't want my kids to miss the chance to get to see that for themselves.

I dont understand

I don't understand why people worry so much about what other people think about them. They worry so much to the point where they don't care if they hurt other people trying to make someone else happy. Whoever the "in" person is, that they have to impress. I've done it, and I know I have, but now that I stopped worrying so much I realize that it's a waste of time. If people don't like you for who you are, and without you changing anything about yourself, are they really worth being friends with? Do you really want friends that make you change into the person they want you to be? Why don't you try and make friends with people who are already like you so you don't have to change. Life is stressful enough without having to worry about what people think about you. Life would be a lot easier if people weren't afraid to be themselves and they stopped feeling like they had to prove themselves to other people.

Change

Change is a very scary thing, yet it brings good things with it. Being a military wife brought lots of changes so many times. I know a lot of people who are going through big changes in their lives, whether moves, having new babies, leaving friends behind that are holding them back....there are many different kinds of changes. I don't think any of them are bad. When God closes a door he opens a window. Life will bring more things, you may think it's bad and will never get better, but things do get better. There are so many opportunities you can do for your life. Things won't change unless you decide to let them, and when you finally do and open your hear to the change you're realize it was for the best. Moving so many times has been hard, I've left behind a lot of great friends, though we try to keep in touch through our busy lives, but it also has allowed me to see a lot of great places I probably never would have traveled to. And I met a lot of great people. Yes not all the times were great, and not all the friends were great friends, and not all the places we moved to we liked, but you have to look at the good side instead of always the bad. I don't know why people always look at change as a bad thing. Yes it's scary and it's hard leaving all the things you "know" in the past, but it's also an adventure and it really could end up being the greatest thing to happen. Like having a new baby. Nothing could change your life more, but it's one of the most amazing things that could ever happen to a person. It makes them see life a whole new way. Taking a new job is scary too, but it could be a great opportunity too. So I say we should embrace life's changes and see where they take us. Even if it turns out to be a mistake at least you tried right?

Memory

With my oldest coming up on his 5th birthday in a couple weeks I wanted to do a flashback of the day he was born. 7:00 am.....the morning of the 19th of April, the contractions start. They are just the braxton hicks contractions I kept telling myself. They'll go away. So I decide to take a bath. I know I'm crazy, but even if I can't see my legs I still want them shaved if I'm going into the doctors. My hubby has to help me out of the tub because I'm no longer capable of getting up by myself. So after getting contractions for 8 hours and they didn't stop we decided to go to the hospital. The contractions are about 4-5 minutes apart and they hurt so bad I can't move when they come. So I get to the hospital and they get me in a room. They settled me in and gave me an epidural. I was hurting so bad I knew I wanted one. (kudos for any woman who goes without one let me tell you that). They epidural guy joked that I could name the baby after him. An epidural is a miracle let me say that. I felt so relaxed and could actually enjoy labor. So they measured me and I was at 4. They told Steve he could go get some food or something because it would be a little while before I would be ready to push. So Steve left to go get himself some dinner. They checked me while he was gone, and it turned out that I was ready to push. So the minute he gets back there are doctors wandering around everywhere getting things ready. So he doesn't get to eat and 4 pushes later and little Sean pops out. It was actually so easy because they gave me the epidural strong because they thought it would be a while, but since it was so fast the epidural covered all the pain completely. I remember them giving me a shot in the leg after for some reason and I couldn't feel it at all. I remember Sean was so purple and slimy, but I thought he was the most beautiful baby in the world. The feeling of becoming a mom for the first time is something you will never forget. And when they wrapped him up and handed him to me I broke down and started crying. He was so tiny. Yet he was a big baby. 8 lbs .6 oz. I remember the doctors joking that he couldn't have been my first baby because I handled it like a champ, and made it look so easy. But I was in labor for 12 hours, if you count the contractions starting at 7 am, he was born a couple minutes before 8 pm. It was so amazing though. I don't think I slept a wink that night, I was so worried about him getting up to eat, and I was listening to him breathe the whole time, and I checked him to make sure he wasn't cold or too warm. I just kept thinking all night, I can't believe that beautiful baby just came out of me......I can't believe I'm a mom. Well the years went by fast, yet the days seemed slow. Restless nights full of feedings, and diaper changes. He didn't sleep through the night till he was over a year old, and by then I was expecting baby #2. But he was a great baby. Every day was entertaining with him. He's about to turn 5 now and I wonder where the time went. He's such a little grown man and he amazes me every day. He's got the new "I don't need my parents" attitude, and sometimes it's heartbreaking to see. He'll be grown and out on his own before I know it so for now I'm going to enjoy letting him be a kid.

Strangers

I recently had a conversation with my kids about strangers. I didn't really have a choice because I was in the other room and the kids were at the table eating lunch. All of a sudden I hear "Hello?" from some guy. I run into the other room and it's the apartment handyman to fix the window blinds. He told me that my oldest boy let him in. The door was locked with the dead bolt, but he opened it and just let him in. I didn't hear him knock. So we sat down that day and had a talk about strangers, and that you should never answer the door, they should just come and get mommy or daddy if they don't hear them knock. Well today I found out that it worked. I was in the other room getting dressed, I heard the knock, and then I heard footsteps running towards my room. They both ran to tell me that someone was at the door. It's a scary subject to talk to your kids about, that some people out there aren't good guys, and that not everyone is ok to talk to. But even though it's a scary subject for the kids it is important they know about it. Mine now know that when we are out in public it's not ok for them to be where they can't see us because someone could take them. I taught them what to do if someone does take them. It's better safe than sorry. My boys are smart boys and they caught on really fast with what they can and can't do. Strangers are a scary and serious subject.

A day in my life....

6:30 am.....baby wakes you up, he knows the Wiggles starts in a little bit so he's up and ready for the day. Usually he'll sit and play in his bed for a few minutes before he gets upset. 7:00 am....the Wiggles.....give the baby a bottle and he's happy for like 5 minutes, but then he'll want baby food. So feed him while he constantly shoves his hands in his mouth and makes a huge mess of baby food all over the place. 7:30 am....finish feeding him and clean him up, his high chair, and toss his outfit in the dirty clothes because it's probably covered in baby food. Hubby leaves for work. 8:00am...between now and 8:30 the other two kids wake up and the house is no longer quiet. 8:30 am....breakfast time......the kids change their minds 3 times what they want for breakfast, so just decide for them and then argue with them that they need to eat their breakfast. 8:45 am.....remind them 5 times to eat and not play. 8:50 am.....clean up something that was spilled because they were playing....usually their glass of milk. 9:00 am....walk down to the gym with the kids, they are actually really good there, they bring their video games and a few toys, and the baby likes the noise of the tredmill so he usually just sits and watches it. 9:30 am...walk home and put the baby down for his first nap. He usually sleeps till about 11:30 so the other two kids usually watch a movie so I can work on homework since I'm going to school full time. I also have to squeeze a shower in then or I won't get one till after hubby gets home from work, I have to throw laundry or dishes in, and pick up the house. 11:30 am....baby wakes up, the other two get hyper, and they play while I figure out lunch. Baby gets lunch first, then the older two. Sometimes I get to eat a few bites too in between getting more ketchup for one, or a drink for the other. 12:30 pm.........we go for a walk to get out of the house because the boys are so hyper being cooped up in the house is not an option. 1:00 pm-2:30 pm........different every day, some days we watch movies, or play, or color, or go swimming.....just whatever we feel like for the day. 2:30 pm......baby's second nap time. Boys watch another movie or on the rare occasion take a nap themselves. (usually like once or twice a month). Homework, chores, and look for what's going to be for dinner. 4:00 pm.....baby is up and it's off for another walk, this time to the mail box, and the sprinklers usually kick on so the kids play in those for a while. 4:30 pm.....start dinner. 5:00 pm......hubby gets home. Dinner time (first the baby, then the rest of us while he plays in his jumper). 6:00 pm........Either a trip to walmart, or we take the kids outside to play. 7:00 pm.......bath time........usually some of the water stays in the tub and doesn't end up on me or the floor. 7:30 pm.......calm down time. Hubby plays with the kids, I do dishes or pick up toys, or make beds and get them ready for bed. Pj's get on all the kids. 8:00 pm.....bedtime for the older two. Get them water, read them each a book, for the next half hour fight with them 3 or 4 times to get back in bed "no you can't have another glass of water," or "it's his video game, take turns......" 8:30 pm......little man goes to bed (a lot easier than the other two who are still awake and still finding excuses to come out of their rooms). 9:00 pm.......they are usually all fast asleep by now, and I've been folding laundry since 8:30, and finally got the dishes done. Then I have to decide homework, or sleep. Usually it's sleep. Average: 5 time outs a day 3 snacks 2 or 3 movies 1 broken toy 2 things spilled 6 fights over who's toy is who's. 10 kisses and hugs 100 smiles and laughs 20 "I Love You's" 10 Thank you's 5 crying fits 10 times where I have to yell at them to listen 30 bathroom trips 2 battles over who gets to brush their teeth first 3 "Please can I have a fruit snack?" 6 games of one sport or another Even though things are crazy, and usually stressful it makes it all worth it when you see those kids smiling and when they are finally sleeping and the end of the day you know you did a good job. We squeeze family time in and lots of fun things so I know the kids love us and they have a ton of fun every day. I might not do it the way other mom's do, but that's ok. My kids are happy and healthy. On a day like today with mommy sick I'm sure there will be more movies and tv than most mom's think is appropriate, but that's ok too.

A Good Mom

I've been giving it a lot of thought lately about what it takes to be a good mom. I hear people always arguing saying what a "bad" mom someone is, and I've heard people complimenting others saying they are a "good" mom. So are there real guidelines to being a "good" mom? Are you a "good" mom because you choose to stay at home with them, or because you go to work and provide for them? Is it because you put them to bed at a decent time, or because you let them stay up with you to watch that show they've been dying to see? Is it because you buy all the best organic foods and only give them the best, or because you let them pick out the cereal with the fun cartoons on the cover? Is there are real guideline? Or is being a good mom just a matter of opinion? Do you make them eat their veggies and 3 square meals a day, or do you make their faces light up once in a while and take them to McDonald's? Is it about safety and health, or fun and love? Or does it have to be a balance of all of it? Is it about spoiling them with lots of toys and activities? Or is it about teaching them the value of money and making them earn their toys? It's funny isn't it? Just because you raise your kids a certain way, and people call you a good mom, someone completely opposite of you could be raising their kids different and they are considered a good mom as well. Personally I think I'm a good mom, but I honestly couldn't tell you why. I just know that I love my kids and I do what I think is best for them and try to make sure they have a safe and happy childhood. So being a "good" mom is important, but the way we all be "good" at it is different, and that's fine. Our kids love us the same no matter what.

cookie

Things Kids say that you should give them a cookie for: 1.Mmmmm.....dinner is really good mommy. 2. I love you mommy. 3. I did it all by myself! 4. Mommy, can I PLEASE have a cookie. (hey they said please) And (my favorite) 5. Mommy.....Daddy messed up again....he was wrong. (you have to love kids, they're so honest)

Women

Wow, women are horrible, horrible people sometimes. Why do we say such mean things to other women just to hurt them. It's like we'll all be best friends one minute, and then talk crap about each other behind everyone's backs. It's horrible. I almost wish that women lived their lives more like men. They don't gossip, or talk about one another. If they get mad they fight it out, and then they are friends again. It's like a magic code that after you fight it out everything is better. Women drag things on for months, or even years and bicker and talk bad about each other the whole way. I just don't understand why we live like this. It's almost like High School never ends for women. They just gossip about different things than they would in High School, about how bad of a parent someone is, or the latest who is cheating on who, or I can't believe she's wearing that, or married to him. It's horrible. It makes me wonder if people are that bored with their own lives that they need to try and stir up trouble with everyone else. I think all us women should try to start living a life more like men and not worry so much about everyone else. I'm busy enough with my hubby and three kids, and college, and life, I don't have enough time in the day for me, let alone to deal with gossip. It makes everyone stressed out and upset and honestly I think it's pointless. I mean who benefits from it anyways. The gossiper just gets an image of being nosy and someone you can't trust with a secret, and the person gossiped about will probably get a reputation she does not deserve (and even if she does who are you to decide that). So I'm going to start living a life like men without the gossip and rumors. They seem to have more fun anyways.

Irony....

Your 8 1/2 month old finally deciding to sleep through the night.........only to have your other two kids up at all hours through the night. I wonder if they planned this as well. Kids are so crazy sometimes. I can't help but laugh at this because it's finally the chance to get some sleep and I still don't get to. I don't think I'll be getting sleep until they move out of the house, and then even then I'll still probably be so worried about them that I'll be up all night anyways. A parents work is never done. I can only imagine the teenage years that are coming up so fast. Can't wait to have my revenge through grand kids. I'm going to spoil them and send them home and then when they call me complaining about how "horrible" their kids are I'll just have to laugh. But they really are all angels. They drive you crazy, but then as soon as they are fast asleep at night and you see their peaceful faces you can't help but think, "they are pretty great."

It's like a game...

Do you ever wonder if the kids sit up at night deciding who is going to be bad at what part of the day? It's like they have a plan that one minute can't go by during the day without one of them acting up or doing something to irritate adults. It's like, you'll have till lunch, I'll have till dinner and then we'll take turns till bedtime. I know they call it the terrible two's but what about the horrible threes, bossy fours, and since our oldest is only 15 days away from five I'm a little nervous to see what 5 brings. I mean no they aren't terrible every day all day, but man they know when it's the worst possible time to act up and they do. And don't forget, if mom and dad aren't looking all bets are off. Everything we've told them that isn't allowed is fair game. Because it's always the second person doing something that gets caught. I remember that from when I was young. You get hit by your sibling, you tattle, you don't hit back because it's you they'll see hitting and you'll get in trouble. I think the adventures have just begun with these three boys.

Dreams

Ya know, I read a post someone close to me wrote talking about how her dreams will never come true, and that "life sucks." It made me realize just how lucky I am to have a husband who not only supports my dreams, but is willing to do anything and everything he can to help me achieve them. I think that's a very important trait to find in a spouse. Your dreams are what make you, well you. If you are with someone who is so willing to shoot down your dreams and tell you that you can't, then why are you with them in the first place. I have a lot of dreams, probably too many, and some are so out there I'm sure my husband thinks I'm crazy. But if I told him I wanted to fly to the moon tomorrow, he would drive to to NASA tonight and help me sneak on a rocket. (that's a little over the top but you get my point). He's supported me through the decision to be a stay at home mom to 3 of the best kids in the world, and I know they behave the way they do partly because of my influence on them while we are home all day. He's supported me through going to college, and changing my mind a million times on what I want to do "when I grow up." And I know as a parent that's all I want for my kids when they grow up. For them to find someone who will support them and encourage them to reach for the starts and have all their dreams come true. I think that's important in a relationship for it to go both ways. I support him, as he does for me. Otherwise the relationship becomes one sided, and it's like one person is more important than the other. That's a relationship doomed to fail. You can't hide the fact that you're unhappy because you haven't accomplished your dreams, it wears on you too much and you'll end up regretting your choices because you'll be living a life you never chose. I'm lucky, and I'm so happy for everyone else who has found that "partner" in their life. Because his support is worth more to me than all the money in the world, we're both happy, and slowly accomplishing our dreams while raising 3 amazing kids together. I pray that someday my friend gets her dreams, but first she has to realize that they are important, and it's something she needs to do for herself. No one should stand in the way of making sure you're happy.

Things my kids taught me today.......

1. A toilet paper roll is more fun than any expensive toy. 2. Mayhem can beat up Superman. 3. Any blow up toy can work as a punching bag. 4. The color of a hard boiled egg matters, even though it looks the same when you peel it. 5. Dunking oreo's is an art form and requires a lot of thought. 6. Fruit snacks should be a food group! 7.If I'm good I get a cookie, if I'm bad I get a nap (hmmmm....a nap actually sounds a lot better than a cookie). 8. If Spongebob can do it, so can I! 9. Transformers and TNMT are the greatest movies in the world. 10. You can have tons of fun with an air mattress. 11. Anyone can be a hero if they can put the ninja turtles leg back on, or fix the power ranger's head. 12. When mom says go, she means stop, and when she says don't it means go ahead. 13. The best part of the day is when daddy walks through the door.

Things I never thought I'd say

1. No Tackle Football in the house!!! 2. Stop banging your head against the wall. 3. If you put your finger in your nose a monster will bite it! 4. Yeah! You went poop!(even said in public bathrooms) 5. The Easter Bunny must shop at Walmart. 6. The ceiling fan is not a toy! 7. Yes you can have pizza for breakfast! 8. Thank God for bedtime!!! (most peaceful time of the day) Things I never thought I'd say that my parents said: 1. Quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about. 2. Because I said so that's why. 3. Be good or you're grounded! 4. Knock it off or I will turn this car around (never actually happens....hmmm....)

I dont know how you do it.....

You know, I get asked a lot how I do it. Raising 3 boys I mean. Well, not even just 3 boys, but 3 kids. I know people with way more than 3 kids, and I just don't understand I guess why people think I'm so great with 3 when a lot our friends have 4 or 5, or even 6. But I've heard a lot of people say I'm real brave because it's one more kid than hands I have to hold them. Good point I guess I mean I only have two hands how do I do it. But I think as a mom we have more than two hands, have to, and we have the eyes in the back of our heads, and the ability to do a million things at one time. It's how we survive as moms and get all the things done that need to get done. (In all honesty though I'll tell you my kids are great and I don't need to have a million hands to handle them). I think it's amazing the multi-tasking that we do every day as parents. I mean within a one hour time span you'll usually see me doing laundry, dishes, cooking a meal, talking on the phone and coloring with the kids at the same time. I think it's more of a timing thing. We have the timing down to a skill on what needs to be done at a certain time to get everything on your list accomplished that day. It's amazing. So I don't think I'm great just because I'm raising 3 kids, I think all moms are great, whether they have 1 kid to chase or 10. So today I want to give kudos to all the moms out there as our business cards are full to the max. Chefs, Maids, Taxi DriversToy Fixers, Owie Fixers, mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, the finder of lost toys, homework helper, cookie baker, bed maker, outfit coordinator, shoe finder..........and all the other tasks we do on a day to day basis. We're all the heros in our kids eyes. Just a thought.

Today's thoughts........getting started

Well here I go. I'm a little nervous about starting this, but I think it will turn out great. I love to write and I love to talk so it's easy for me to think of something to post. If you want to read what I have to say, great, if not that's ok too I wont be offended. Today I'm taking a step outside of my personal boundaries and trying to make these dreams of mine come true. So I think this will just be my welcome message, and then my next one will be on a certain topic. Let's see, I'll talk about why I want to do this first. I love to write, I'm a writer at heart, and I love to talk. I want to be a journalist some day and eventually (fingers crossed) own my own magazine. Big dreams I know. But hopefully I have what it takes to make things happen. Just think though, if you're a close friend and supporter of me you could end up with free subscriptions once it happens. So that means you! Support me. Anyways that's my thoughts on getting started. I will let you guys help me pick topics to write about, and I will write about thoughts, and plans, and well....pretty much anything that comes to my head......funny things the kids do, life raising 3 boys, military wife life, and anything I feel like for the day. Let's get this going.