September 2, 2008

I think when you are between two and three month's pregnant you're more self conscious than you are as a teenage girl. You're in between the stage where you really look pregnant, yet you really don't look skinny. So when you're walking around you see people looking at you and you can tell they are wondering if you're pregnant or if you've just gained some weight. It makes you want to go out and buy a shirt that says "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant....and fat!" Kind of like they have the little onsies for babies that say "I am not a boy!" and "I am not a girl!" for babies since even if you dress your little boy all in blue, with a blue blanket people will still say "oh what a pretty girl." It's kind of irritating. It's hard to feel beautiful when you're pregnant when you throw up all day, feel like you're huge, and can't fit into any of your clothes at all. But having a little tiny baby inside you is beautiful, and this last week when I got my first ultrasound and I got a sneak peak at the little baby I never felt more beautiful. To have created a little life like that is just amazing. And when you have a little baby inside you, you fall in love with him/her before you've even met them. Even though I have 3 other kids, this one is a whole new baby and it's like your love grows with each child. Even though you think it couldn't possibly grow any more. So you know what I'll take all the odd looks from people as they pass me wondering if I'm pregnant or just haven't lost all the baby weight from the last baby. Because I know that there's a little miracle in my belly, and I'm probably never going to see any of those people again anyways, but the baby is mine forever.

No comments: