Vacation.....

Do you ever get so stressed out and tired from a vacation that you feel like you need to take a vacation from your vacation? Every time I decide to take a trip home I get so excited about it, and yet by the end I'm so ready to leave I almost wish I wouldn't have come to begin with. I love my family, and my friends back home, but sometimes it seems like more of a hassle to come home than is worth it. Flying with 3 kids isn't easy for one. Then it seems like I do nothing but drive from place to place trying my hardest to make everyone happy, even though I know I can't make everyone happy unless I slit into like 10 people so I can spend time with everyone. I always leave from my vacation feeling tired, and guilty that I didn't get to spend a lot of time with everyone. My kids get so far off of any kind of schedule it takes weeks to put them back on one, and I've usually gained a few pounds since I wasn't eating like I normally do. I always feel like I'm just kind of homeless running from house to house to house and not really staying anywhere for very long. I wonder why vacations are so hard, yet I know as stressfull as this one was and how tired and ready to go home I am......I'll still look forward to the next one.

Coming home...

Life is kind of weird. You look forward to something, knowing that you're making more out of it than you should, and then it still dissappoints you when it doesn't work out the way you want it to. I think I expect too much from people, and I know they will let me down, I should expect it, and I should know better. I still get so upset and hurt when they do the things I know they will do. Why do I do this to myself. I guess it's because I think that people will change, and that people think the same about things as I do, even though they don't. Yet I know I won't stop doing it. I know I will get excited about things, and people, and be let down a million times over again. It's like a bad habbit I can't break, or don't want to....I want the hope. I want to hold out and think that people will surprise me and make an effort, but I know they won't. It's like a never ending cycle.

"Stuff"

Life is kind of crazy. You always think life is about all the "things" you have, and who has more, or whose is better......it never ends. We haven't had anything for a couple months since we moved and our stuff is still being shipped here and I've realized that the more you have, the longer it takes to clean it, and the less time you have for things that are fun. I had a water balloon fight with the kids today. It didnt take more than the house outside and some water balloons. The kids had a blast. Yeah we don't have our couches to sit on yet, but that just means there is more room to play duck duck goose in, and run around playing tag in the house. Now don't get me wrong I miss all of our things as much as the kids probably miss all their toys, but they aren't important. I've realized that we're still happy with just our family and we can still manage to have fun without all of our stuff. I think it makes the kids appreciate their things more when we don't have them, but they also realize that it's just stuff and that family is more important.

Having Faith

Do you ever want something so bad you can taste it. It's like right out of reach and you sit there deciding if it's worth the effort to stretch and take hold of it and not let go. Sometimes I look at my dreams and wonder if they are worth the struggles to achieve them, and whether or not I have enough faith in myself to achieve them. Because some of my dreams are so far out there they seem almost impossible to make happen, yet I don't want to just shove them under the bed and forget about them. I guess it's all about taking that leap and believing in myself enough to get me started. I know once I started I wouldn't quit until I got to the finish line, but it's a big decision to step up to the line. I guess I just have to believe that things will work out, I know what I want, but I also know how hard it's going to be to get it. I just have to decide if it's worth what it will take to reach these dreams. But I guess in life you need to take those risks and just believe in yourself to make your dreams happen.

Kindergarten

I thought last year when my oldest started Preschool that it was a big step. But he was only gone from 9-12 every day. This year we just signed him up for Kindergarten. He's 5 now, and I know he's more than ready. But I don't think I'm ready. It's hard to let them go. He'll be gone from 8-3 every day. That's 7 hours. It's hard for me to think of him being gone that long during the day. I guess I'm not ready to let him go grow up yet, and it's happening too fast. It seems like it was just yesterday that we brought him home from the hospital. And also this year my middle one will be in Preschool. It's only a matter of time before they both graduate and are out on their own. It's sad to think like that. How do you learn to let them go? How do you stop the worrying, when they aren't there for you all day to make sure that they are ok. You can't be there to help them make friends, or to make sure they don't get picked on, or fall and get hurt. I know he'll be fine. He's a great kid and makes friends easily, but it's still heartbreaking to watch him grow up. Enjoy all the time with them you can while they are home, because before you know it you'll be standing there watching them go into school, and they'll turn around and say "I love you Mommy" and walk away. Your heart will break and you'll want to rewind life and make them little again so you can hold on juts a little bit longer.

My mom

My mom is an incredibly strong person. She has had her share of ups and downs, but whenever she is down she drags herself back up and continues on. She is my best friend. She is my hero, I look up to her and want to be just like her. If someday I am blessed with a daughter I really hope that me and her have the same kind of relationship because I couldn't imagine my life without my mom in it. I know I bug her a lot, we talk on the phone for at least 1-2 hours a day most days, but whenever something funny or sad or anything happens, I just want to call her to tell her about it. My mom is so smart. She went back to college and got all A's doing it and is now about to graduate from the Corrections Academy. When I thought of my mom taking on a 2oo lb inmate I about freaked out, but I know she's one tough cookie and she could handle herself, and I'm sure they would never mess with her again. My mom is the one person besides my husband that I tell everything to, and I love that I feel like I can talk to her about anything. I love you Mom. I hope you have a great Mother's Day. I really wish I could be there for your Corrections Academy Graduation because out of everyone I think I am the most proud of you. I knew from the beginning that you could do it even when you thought you wouldn't make it. You are so great and so strong you can do anything you want to. If you told me you were going to fly to the moon tomorrow I believe you could do it. I will see you in July when I come home with your grandkids. I love you.

What I've Learned from Being a Mom.....

I've learned that it's easy to clean up puke when you're more worried about the sick little baby and you can go 3 days without sleep and still be wide awake and smiling when they start to feel better. I've also learned that they can drive you crazy to the point where you want to put your head through a wall, but the minute they tell you they love you your heart melts and you wish you could keep them at that age forever.

I've learned that raising 3 boys is like spending every day at the zoo with a bunch of wild animals!!!!

I've learned that they don't care if I make a gourmet dinner every night, hot dogs and mac and cheese are just as good, sometimesC even better.

I've learned that drinks will get spilled, and clothes will get stained, dinner will get burnt while I'm doing a hundred things at once, and water from the bath tub will end up not only on me, but all over the entire floor, and that's a good day!

I've learned that you can't take enough pictures because they just grow up way too fast.

I've learned that no matter how cute you try to get, shower, makeup, clean clothes, whatever; something will always end up spilled on your outfit before anyone sees you in it.

I've learned that cardboard boxes, toilet paper rolls, and old magazines are way more fun that the really expensive toys you buy for them.

I've learned that little boys have a soft spot in their hearts for their moms!

I've learned that being a mom is the hardest job in the world, but it is the best job anyone could ever ask for.

I've learned that holidays really do have a magic to them that you thought they did when you were a kid. When you're a kid it's the magic about an Easter bunny, or Santa coming, or just getting to eat lots of food. But when you're a mom, the magic is in the eyes of your kid when they realize Santa came, or the Easter bunny, or when they see all the food on Thanksgiving. The magic is in them.

I've learned that you will never know how much love you have to give until you have kids. You'll worry about not having enough for more than one kid, but the love just comes, and grows with each one.