House or Home?

Well for the first time in 7 years I feel like I belong somewhere. We've been in a lot of houses....I swear we're trying to set a world record for moving or something. We've been in 7 different houses, in 6 years. Some of them we've only stayed in for as little as 3 months, others for up to a year and a half. We've never spend more than 2 Christmas's in the same house. I don't even think it phases the kids when we tell them we're moving again. It's heartbreaking. I knew that it came with military life that's why I never really minded all the moves, and all the friends that you make and have to say goodbye to. Each time the goodbyes did get harder, and the friendships from a few moves prior started to fade away slowly. You feel like you're almost just going through the motions of living life. It wasn't even a house anymore.....they were all just a place to sleep until the next move came. I think that's why I always wanted to be out of the house doing something. The houses weren't permanent, and I never wanted them to be anyways because we never had that house where we felt like we were HOME every time we would walk in the front door. We finally have that. When I get home I don't want to leave. I love just sitting in the living room with music playing while the kids run around and play. I love my kitchen, and my bedroom, and bathroom. We have a huge backyard that the kids have room to grow in. The kids are happy.....and for once I feel like this could be more than a house, it could be a home. I am a small town country girl, and for the past 7 years I've been from one big city to another. The towns were crowded and traffic was horrible. It would take you an hour to drive somewhere that was only about 10 minutes away. The crime was horrible, and I never felt safe at night even with my doors locked and all the lights on. I am definitally not meant to live in the big city. The house we're in now is more country, but not completely deserted to where you don't have any neighbors. We have neighbors, and they are the kind that come over to introduce themselves with a plate of cookies. I never realized how much I missed this type of thing, such a small gesture, but it makes you realize that you can feel at home in a town like this. Through all the moves everyone would ask me where home is. I would always say, "I'll always consider Michigan home." I think it was because it was the only state I was in for more than a couple years, and it was where my family was. Now....when people ask me where home is I don't have to think twice about it at all. We've only been in this house for a week, but I've never felt more at home in any of the houses, or states that we've been in. Yes my real family is back in Michigan, but our home is in Arizona. When it's more than a house, and it's a home you feel it. You know it in your head and your heart every time you walk through the front door. I don't know if this will be our home forever. But it's just nice to know that through all the moves, and all the states, we've found one place that feels less like just a place to sleep between moves, and more of a place to build a life and just call HOME!

It's crazy. When I was pregnant with my boys, and I found out they were boys, all I thought about was sports, and karate, and boy toys like ninja turtles, and power rangers and stuff. But yesterday I found out that our fourth baby is going to be a girl. My mind is spinning. I am thinking about things like frilly dresses and tea parties, all the way to bra shopping, and wedding planning, and proms, and a million other things. Walking to the "pink" side of the store broke me down in tears....and that never happened buying things on the "blue" side. I love my boys, don't get me wrong, but growing up I always knew I wanted to have a daughter, and just knowing that it's about to happen is overflowing my heart, and filling my mind with all the new things I'll get to do. I can't wait to braid her hair, and teach her to put on makeup, and help her get through her first broken heart from the "love of her life". I know it's crazy, but it's like a whole new world. Boys are amazing, they really are, they are hyper, and sporty, and non stop all day, but they are so much fun. I love my boys and yes you'll see me running around the house with a power ranger mask on shooting a fake gun and even making the noises for it. But even my boys are excited to have a little girl in the house. It really does complete my family, and I don't know if I could say that if this had been another boy....because I don't think my family would be complete until I had a daughter of my own. I think like how all guys want to have a son, all girls want to have a daughter. And now I'll finally have mine and I'll have my complete family.

I was thinking this week. I had to get an IV because I was dehydrated from my morning sickness, and I told the nurse that I thought that getting an IV was worse that the actual labor. Don't get me wrong, labor isn't fun, I've been through it 3 times believe me....you don't get pregnant and the first thing that pops in your head is "Oh great, I can't wait for labor to start it was so much fun last time." It's labor...they wouldn't call it that if it wasn't. But man all the different needles you have to get while you are pregnant seem just as bad to me. I hate shots, and needles. Your body is made to give birth, but man when they stick a needle through your skin it freaks me out. I'm sure it doesn't hurt even a tiny little bit close to the actual giving birth, but at the moment you think it does. Maybe each painful moment in life you think it's the worst, and the hardest moment at that point. Like with each epidural I say it hurts worse than the last epidural even though I'm sure it's about the same. Maybe that's like every hard moment in life.....at each low you think it's the lowest and the hardest times, but it always gets better, and the next time you think it's worse than the last. I'm sure when I'm in labor I won't be thinking that the IV was worse, I'll be begging the nurse for the IV instead, but I guess since I knew the only thing coming that day was the IV I was dreading it. But I still know it'll all be worth it in the end when I get to hold the baby for the first time.....it always is.

Sometimes someone can make your day and not even realize that they just did. I was having a really rough day the other day, but I always do try to look nice when I leave the house. It just wasn't a great day though, the kids were getting to me, and I didn't have time to shower before taking my son to school, and I just felt yucky. Then after I dropped my son off and I was headed to the car a little old lady came up to me and told me I looked beautiful today. It just completely made my day. It was like all the problems of my morning just went away with that. She didn't know me, and I may not see her again, but she made such an impact on my day and she will never even know how much it meant to me. Sometimes I feel like no one is here with me and no one notices how hard I try to do everything, but then when my day has really had it this comes out of the blue and brings me up again. Almost like I have an angel watching over me and when I really need someone they are there. I know it was just a small little comment, but it really made me change my outlook on the day. I love how little old ladies are so sweet and they just want to let you know what they think. I get a lot of compliments in the store from them on how great my kids are, and in restaurants as well. And they are the ones that when your kids are screaming and you're ready to rip out your hair, they look at you and smile because they were where you are once and they know just how you feel. I can't help but look up to them and respect them. I really hope then when I get older I'm one of these sweet old ladies and I can make someone's day like this lady did to me. Because when you're a mom of 3 1/2 kids you can really use someone to tell you you're pretty once in a while, or even simply let you know that you're doing a good job.

Can you believe that Halloween is coming up again right around the corner? It seems like we just got done with the holidays from last year and they are creeping up on us again. You go in the store, and it's like Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas all rolled into one big holiday. My boys of coarse are loving it. And I love the holiday season. I think as soon as Halloween gets past us then the mood of everyone is like a million times better. It's like the upcoming holidays just makes people more polite, and friendly, and just plain happy. That's what I love about it. The holidays are different as a parent then they are when you're a kid yourself. It's funny how it changes, and I've been thinking a lot about it lately. When you're a kid Halloween is about candy, Thanksgiving is about eating, and maybe watching the parade or football game, and Christmas is about presents, and santa, and more presents! When you're a grown up and you have your own family I think the holidays are about something completely different. You go trick or treating with your kids, so you can watch them have a blast, and when they have a blast, it makes your day. Then on Thanksgiving it's about family and if you're a perfectionist like me, it's about making the perfect dinner and desserts, even if your family is going to tear into them and devour it all within 10 minutes. You still put forth the effort. Christmas, you go from believing in Santa, to not believing in Santa, to being Santa. My kids haven't hit the age yet where they don't believe in him, and I hope they don't for a long time, because I love the innocence in them, and how excited they get baking and decorating cookies for Santa, and writing their letters and getting their picture taken with him. The whole holiday season it's like they're excited and happy and I love it. I love watching them walk down the stairs in the morning to realize that Santa came. I know we go overboard every year, and some people might think that they are "spoiled" but I love watching their faces light up as they open each present, and realize Santa got them exactly what they wanted. I love driving around looking at Christmas lights and drinking hot chocolate with the kids. And yes I'm one of those crazy people who start playing Christmas CD's as soon as Halloween is over. But my kids love it, and so I love doing it. The holidays I think are just as amazing as an adult reliving it through your kids eyes. It's the best thing in the world knowing how excited they are going to get and being there to see it. They've changed their minds on Halloween costumes at least 10 times each, most people would get stressed about it, but I think it's hillarious. They like so many things they just can't decide. It's like a life or death decision here for them and they need to make the right one. Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a kid to see the magic in the holidays again, but as a mom, I still do see it. You just have to look in their eyes and you'll know it's there.

This last week while my oldest son was at school me and my hubby went out front with our two kids and decided to wash the van. I love our van, when we bought it in 2005 it was brand new, and I love it....yes I feel like a soccer mom driving it, but it's a really nice van and the kids have plenty of space. Well we went all out cleaning it. We took all the seats out, and the carpets, and I scrubbed everything. It looked like a brand new van again. Then this past weekend we went on a 7 hour road trip to California with the kids and 7 hours back.......well let's just say the van looks worse than it did before we cleaned it. There are squished up cheerio's all over the floor, and odds and ends other snacks floating around. I can't help but almost start laughing when I look at it. I usually get really stressed out about messes, but I'm starting to learn one key thing that I wish someone would have told me when I first got pregnant with my oldest son......."THINGS ARE NEVER GOING TO BE PERFECT ONCE YOU HAVE KIDS." They just won't. There will be messes, and you're going to trip on toys, and have fingerprints on the walls and windows, and probably all over the tv. There is going to be dirty clothes laying around and a sink full of dishes. And you better believe as soon as I put the new table cloth on the table something is going to get spilled on it. But when you try to make the house look perfect, and neat and tidy, you'll miss out on the one important thing......your kids. It can be fun sometimes to just let those dishes sit in the sink for a while longer and sit down and do some finger painting with the kids. Because let's be honest......do your kids really care if the house is clean or messy? Do they care if the new table cloth matches the cloth napkins, and if the coffee table is cleared of it's clutter? And come on now....even if your house is perfect by 1 oclock is it really going to look the same way in about 2 hours. To me it seems like I'll clean the living room and head to the kitchen only to come back to the living room and hav it look like a tornado went through it. Or in my case, 3 tornado's! No my house isn't a mess.....but I'm starting to learn ways around the cleaning that takes all day. I keep a laundry basket in the living room, and at the end of the day, that's where all the kids toys go. When the basket gets too full I haul it upstairs and put them back in the toy room where they belong. I "cheat clean" whenever I have company coming over. It's a quick vaccume, and you spray febreeze and lysol everywhere. And you toss everything that doesn't go where it is in a laundry basket and stick it in the closet and take care of it when you have time. The kids are only kids for a little while. You'll have plenty of time to color cordinate the house when they've grown up. Hang out with them while they still want to be around you....because pretty soon you won't be "cool" enough to hang out with and then what are you going to do?

The years go by....'

I've been thinking a lot since my oldest son started Kindergarten. It's hard to believe the days of him being home all day are gone now. I knew he was starting school, but I didn't really realize that it was like a whole new stage in life, and that the old one would never come back. It can never go back. I mean yeah we have the summer vacations where he'll be home, but the older he gets the less and less time he's going to want to spend with me anyways. When we first started taking him to school we got to walk him all the way to his classroom and say goodbye to him there. After the first week of school though they have us drop him off at the gate and he has to walk back by himself. It was heartbreaking watching him walk by himself. But what's more heartbreaking is the first week he was doing it he would turn around and wave goodbye to us one more time when he got to his class, and those days are past now. He runs to his class and doesn't look back most of the time anymore. It's hard watching them grow. I remember when it was just me and him, before his brothers were born, and he would run around the house playing with me, and we would cuddle on the couch and watch Blues Clues or the Wiggles. Yes he still sits and watches tv with me or reads books with me, but it's not the same. 6 hours out of the day he's not at home, he's not here with me, and I don't know what he's doing. I know he's in good hands, and he loves school, but I just miss the days when he was home all day with me. So if you still have a little one at home, enjoy the time with them, because they go by fast, and before you know it they'll be off to school, and then the time flies by so fast you won't even believe it. Kids are amazing, and the years don't last nearly long enough. My middle one is about to turn 4 years old in less than a month. Next year he should be headed to Kindergarten too. Then I'll have two of them in school all day. The house will sure be a lot quieter, and you may think that that's a good thing, but I'll miss them.