Having Faith

Do you ever want something so bad you can taste it. It's like right out of reach and you sit there deciding if it's worth the effort to stretch and take hold of it and not let go. Sometimes I look at my dreams and wonder if they are worth the struggles to achieve them, and whether or not I have enough faith in myself to achieve them. Because some of my dreams are so far out there they seem almost impossible to make happen, yet I don't want to just shove them under the bed and forget about them. I guess it's all about taking that leap and believing in myself enough to get me started. I know once I started I wouldn't quit until I got to the finish line, but it's a big decision to step up to the line. I guess I just have to believe that things will work out, I know what I want, but I also know how hard it's going to be to get it. I just have to decide if it's worth what it will take to reach these dreams. But I guess in life you need to take those risks and just believe in yourself to make your dreams happen.

Kindergarten

I thought last year when my oldest started Preschool that it was a big step. But he was only gone from 9-12 every day. This year we just signed him up for Kindergarten. He's 5 now, and I know he's more than ready. But I don't think I'm ready. It's hard to let them go. He'll be gone from 8-3 every day. That's 7 hours. It's hard for me to think of him being gone that long during the day. I guess I'm not ready to let him go grow up yet, and it's happening too fast. It seems like it was just yesterday that we brought him home from the hospital. And also this year my middle one will be in Preschool. It's only a matter of time before they both graduate and are out on their own. It's sad to think like that. How do you learn to let them go? How do you stop the worrying, when they aren't there for you all day to make sure that they are ok. You can't be there to help them make friends, or to make sure they don't get picked on, or fall and get hurt. I know he'll be fine. He's a great kid and makes friends easily, but it's still heartbreaking to watch him grow up. Enjoy all the time with them you can while they are home, because before you know it you'll be standing there watching them go into school, and they'll turn around and say "I love you Mommy" and walk away. Your heart will break and you'll want to rewind life and make them little again so you can hold on juts a little bit longer.

My mom

My mom is an incredibly strong person. She has had her share of ups and downs, but whenever she is down she drags herself back up and continues on. She is my best friend. She is my hero, I look up to her and want to be just like her. If someday I am blessed with a daughter I really hope that me and her have the same kind of relationship because I couldn't imagine my life without my mom in it. I know I bug her a lot, we talk on the phone for at least 1-2 hours a day most days, but whenever something funny or sad or anything happens, I just want to call her to tell her about it. My mom is so smart. She went back to college and got all A's doing it and is now about to graduate from the Corrections Academy. When I thought of my mom taking on a 2oo lb inmate I about freaked out, but I know she's one tough cookie and she could handle herself, and I'm sure they would never mess with her again. My mom is the one person besides my husband that I tell everything to, and I love that I feel like I can talk to her about anything. I love you Mom. I hope you have a great Mother's Day. I really wish I could be there for your Corrections Academy Graduation because out of everyone I think I am the most proud of you. I knew from the beginning that you could do it even when you thought you wouldn't make it. You are so great and so strong you can do anything you want to. If you told me you were going to fly to the moon tomorrow I believe you could do it. I will see you in July when I come home with your grandkids. I love you.

What I've Learned from Being a Mom.....

I've learned that it's easy to clean up puke when you're more worried about the sick little baby and you can go 3 days without sleep and still be wide awake and smiling when they start to feel better. I've also learned that they can drive you crazy to the point where you want to put your head through a wall, but the minute they tell you they love you your heart melts and you wish you could keep them at that age forever.

I've learned that raising 3 boys is like spending every day at the zoo with a bunch of wild animals!!!!

I've learned that they don't care if I make a gourmet dinner every night, hot dogs and mac and cheese are just as good, sometimesC even better.

I've learned that drinks will get spilled, and clothes will get stained, dinner will get burnt while I'm doing a hundred things at once, and water from the bath tub will end up not only on me, but all over the entire floor, and that's a good day!

I've learned that you can't take enough pictures because they just grow up way too fast.

I've learned that no matter how cute you try to get, shower, makeup, clean clothes, whatever; something will always end up spilled on your outfit before anyone sees you in it.

I've learned that cardboard boxes, toilet paper rolls, and old magazines are way more fun that the really expensive toys you buy for them.

I've learned that little boys have a soft spot in their hearts for their moms!

I've learned that being a mom is the hardest job in the world, but it is the best job anyone could ever ask for.

I've learned that holidays really do have a magic to them that you thought they did when you were a kid. When you're a kid it's the magic about an Easter bunny, or Santa coming, or just getting to eat lots of food. But when you're a mom, the magic is in the eyes of your kid when they realize Santa came, or the Easter bunny, or when they see all the food on Thanksgiving. The magic is in them.

I've learned that you will never know how much love you have to give until you have kids. You'll worry about not having enough for more than one kid, but the love just comes, and grows with each one.

Real or Fake?

How important is it to people to be liked? I thought about this a lot the other day. I like to be liked, it actually means a lot to me. But do people want to be liked so bad that they change how they talk and act to make people like them, or are they true to themselves, and let the real them show? I mean do you really want to be friends with people who don't know the real you and only know the fake you? Is it really worth it to forget about who you are and just act how you think they want you to act. I've made some great friends here and I feel like I was the "real" me and they all accepted me for who I really am. But I know that in the past I've done the "fake" me and acted how they wanted me to in a group. I've realized I'm a much happier person now that I have friends and I can act like me and be accepted in the group. But it makes me think about whether my friends feel like they can act like themselves in front of me. It is important to me for people to like me. I do things to impress people, and usually go above and beyond to be nice and make things easier on people and less stressful. But there's a point when being liked isn't as important as being able to be the real you. Where do you draw the line?